It's good to know that no one reads my blog.. So if you should read it someday.. Be forewarned that I'm open and some of the things I may say.. I wouldn't have told you any way..

My ear infection seems to be chronic.. I am now wondering if the antibiotics don't get rid of it ever complete.. Could it be cancer in my ear.. Sure it could. How do I deal with this.. I watched a person die from ear cancer once.. It was not pretty. The swelling was terrible. I never understood how it happened or how no one could off him a bit of comfort or help. In the end he was living off a food tube and pain killers.. Was I kind enough.. I don't know I was too young to understand.. And now I'm too scared for .. knowing.. But, then I don't understand this world now any better after all these years..

I am so boxed in right now.. I am stuck here living with a husband I really do not know.. Do not know who he is anymore.. And I am soo tired of living poor.. Poor in hope.. Poor in spirit.. Poor in joy.. It is not about the financial situation.. It is the poor of not caring about another no even their well being.. Care and comfort.. not here.. Self centered and self absorbed..

I feel paralyzed ... unable to get settled here in this new location.. He won't let me organize it the way I would like. I can't purchase anything for this home.. It feels so shabby and for sure not shabby ... chic... But old and broken down and ignored and beige... I want to live in a colorful place with tons of color and light and joy.. This is killing me.. And it may very well be killing me.. You get down and you start looking for the end.. I will not be scared.. If I do this again.. Will I remember to make different choices.. Choices that would make me happy and NOT the choices that made for east security. IT sure hasn't been easy.. It hurts a whole lot.. It makes me cry and I wasn't a crier.. It makes me feel sooo sad and lonely.. And I wasn't a lonely person... I have always tried to be the brave and strong one..

Can I throw something..Can I throw lots out.. What if I died tomorrow ... do I want my children throwing it all away when I could have done this,too..

I need to get back to throwing 50 things out a week.. IT always makes me feel better..
Off to throw..

I'm in pain today and yesterday and the day before that.. Went to the doctor and the doctor said.. sinus infection and on Avelox.. Once a day.. Felt better this morning, but not so now. For some reason my left ear is still unhappy. Then my brain says.. maybe it is cancer and no infection.. maybe it's something I should have complained about earlier..or followed up with earlier.. the I say just leave it up to God.. He will walk me though what ever this is and let the evil thoughts get out of my head.. Be patient and relax and sew.. Keep sewing..
Here are the latest project I think.. and cookies. To finding inner peace or piece?

It is just a bitchy day.. I want to scream. Who would hear. Would it matter at all.. no one would hear and it wouldn't matter at all..I'm just bummed out at my husband who rsvp-ed for one to his niece's wedding.. The one being him.. He really wasn't going to tell me either.. How nice is that.. so I stay home with the dogs.. :(
Really I'd rather be home alone with out him than having him here. He brings sooo much tension. There are so many rules in his life. How things have to be done.. When you have to eat .. How much or little you can eat.. How you tie your shoes.. How much food you have in the refrigerator ... How you hang a shirt on a hanger.. How you put in a screw.. How you clean a bath tub.. How you mow the lawn.. How you clean up shit.. On and on and on and on it goes..

And in the end ... does any of this shit really matter.. No put your shirt on inside out who cares.. Where a purple shirt with red pants and go to wal mart and get posted on the web. Who the heck cares.. ( I haven't done that... I wear the same old stuff.. light colored shirts and dark colored pants ..) My uniform.. All bought from Goodwill and Salvation Army. Why because mister cheap pants is soo tight with his green.. He will be hold a dollar bill in his hand as he is buried..

But this was also supposed to be where I posted pics of my quilting.. Here are the latest.. Never know where they will be posted.. It's okay with me.. It's a rainy day here and I have messed up my bp med.. not the oil spill that is a whole other matter.. Folks oil just doesn't go away.. You hate and you love it.. Drive baby drive.. Burn it.. But who knows where it really comes from or even cares.. Okay enough of the soap box for today.. maybe..